Category Archives: Poetic Rants

Sestina

I will let it soothe me to numbness, the song
we never had. Some nights I will remember
the sweet words you never said and wish
that you were still mine. I will drive
till the sky again turns blue,
and finally I will sleep alone, dreaming

of the first time you took my hand. I dream
of the day broke the seal between my legs and the songs
you never played; the candles you never lit. I bury my white
teeth in my lip, and because I can not forget, I remember
the feeling of your hands, mouth, arms, legs entwined, as I drive
faster, speeding, rushing, flushed. Trying to escape, wishing

you were here. Wishing you were gone. Wishing,
so hard that I go back in time and change dreams
to memories. The farther I drive,
the louder the song
is ringing in my ears, till I remember
everything we were, through a filter of passionate red.

Your eyes were cold and distant, two shallow blue
pools that never focused. I always wanted
more. But they were the first eyes that saw, even if they didn’t remember.
So I just closed my eyes and dreamt
up a happier tune, dumbing out the song
of your ragged breath and redundant drive.

The farther I drive
the more distant you seem, until you’re a mere speck of grey
dust on my rearview mirror. But all the songs
that weren’t ours forever remind me of the desire
that brought us together and drifted us apart. A wish
whispered in the dark shadows of a suppressed dream
won’t be remembered

even when remembering
was all I swore I would do. And so I drive
far, fast and forever. Because if I close my eyes and dream
of your beautiful veiled blue
eyes, I will cry and wish
that I had had just one single song

to remember the grey
mornings we spent and wish
they had been more like the song in my dreams.

 

– Edel Garstad (2013)

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Him and the others

your face is frozen
just a picture in a frame
I can’t really remember
what your face was like
and the face in the frame
doesn’t even look like you

we all get older
not you
you’ll never move on
you’ll never get to see these things
do these things
these things that people do

times change and people move on
pulled by the cart that is life
sometimes when I stop and look
i can remember the shadow of your memory
but your cart stopped moving a long time ago
and I can barely even remember how it was when you were here

the memories I had have been replayed to the point of destruction
and all I have now are the memories of the memories of the moments long gone
I can’t remember your face, I can’t hear your voice, I can’t feel your touch
it seems like a dream
a match lit and long burnt out in a dark tunnel of endlessness

were you ever even here

(c) Edel Garstad 2012

Poetic late-night rant?

It made sense 2 o’clock last night…:

I know it’s not easy, I know it’s hard to do
But when the moon goes down and when the sun goes up there’s only one thing you can do
You have to pick yourself up, pull by the neck if you want
Dust off the memories of the ghosts of the days and years that past
And move on

Put one foot in front of the other, walk with humble but shameless determination
Remember that downhill feeds speed for the uphill
Remember that what was said and done before is gone
All we have, all we need and all we should want lies ahead

So walk that mile,
Feel that pain,
Spill those tears
And move on

Stream of consciousness from a day of travel

I saw Mia Gundersen and Dan Børge Akerø at Sola, and Atle Pettersen at Gardermoen. Only in Norway is an 8 hour drive a 40 minute flight. I almost left the plane without my folder of papers and originals. It was located in the pouch in the seat in front of me. It’s bright red. The seat was blue. First, I’m picked out for a random spot check, then the operator got suspicious of my pouch of american dollar coins that I had in my backpack. Hell-ooh! I’m going to Iceland!

I learned that almost as scary as waking up in a bath tub, is waking up 4000 feet in the air, when you can’t remember leaving ground, and you could swear on your life you’ve been awake the whole time… I love Iceland Air!! Note to self: get some Sigur Ros and Jonsi music on here, now! (written on my ipod). This year I have learned what it means to be dazzled and to fall in love at first sight. Don’t worry Iceland, I WILL be back soon!! I went to the wrong gate at the Reykjavik airport. Iceland is still bound to her old lord, Denmark, or so it seems, as the captain is obliged to read the instructions in Danish as well as Icelandic and English. I realized I really have a huge crush on all things Iceland.. Have you ever watched a 6 hour long sunset from 4000 feet in the air? Literally flying into the sunset. Most beautiful 6 hour ride ever. They should televise a minute by minute of this.

Finally, the sun set after a 6 hour long sunset. The ground is dark, the sky is lighter, and in the middle they melt into red. Red like everything in the movie drive. Everything except Goslings jacket. Is there such a thing as the right kind of bad? I think so.. #drive Whoha! Theres red on the jacket! Looking down on this black sea of trees and hills and stones and lights shaped like octopuses, all connected, whilst all still so isolated. It’s just like us. The living, the breathing. After having travelled for 17 hours, sweaty and whiped, I’m told I look better than the girl on my creditcard photo. Potential?

Superbass

My heart was hammering in my chest, thumping so hard against my ribs I was sure anyone could have heard it. The beat was ringing loud in my ears, muting the rest of the world. Uneven and ragged breaths escaped my tight windpipe, adding gagged breathing noises to the kick solo upstairs. My feet felt a little wobbly balancing on top of the extra few inches, making my body sway in and out of rhythm. I felt fragile like a house of cards built on mount. I Could have sworn I saw the floor coming closer. I’d liked the comfort of sitting down, but the moment had come, and I couldn’t pretend it wasn’t happening anymore. With shaky feet and rough breaths, I made my way across the gigantic hall, facing what I loved so much and hated with equal intensity, knowing that whatever happened, at least I would know. Whatever happened, it would be over the minute my head hit that pillow. The pillow that felt a million miles and a hundred years away.

undeserved bliss.

Yesterday I was convinced mother nature hated me too. In retrospect I realized she only hated the day as much as I did. Today the tables have turned. I’m loving this day, mother nature is loving this day, and this day has no choice but to deal with the both of us.

Not a Cakewalk

Because we live in a society that often translates ignorance into bliss, we have become experts at avoiding the inconvenient. Whether it be politics or environmental issues, uncomfortable feelings or confrontations, we know how to walk around them. Important issues are ignored, and we drown ourselves in worries of materialism. It’s truly sickening to think that while we worry about the latest trends, electronic shenanigans and pity ourselves, people all around us are forced into dealing with matters concerning life or death. It’s inconvenient to us that life isn’t a cakewalk, so we avoid those subjects. If it’s sickening that we are ignorant, it’s even more so that we don’t do anything about it. Being ignorant doesn’t mean we don’t know what’s indeed going on around us; it just means we decide do ignore it. Behaving humanitarian and being willing to sacrifice wasn’t some fad that died out with the Second World War. People don’t have to be persecuted to qualify for assistance. It’s not only the starving African children that are suffering. Giving money isn’t all we can do to help. Signing up to being a donor is also a completely doable deed.

Still, being a friend is undoubtedly the most powerful thing anyone can do. Be nice to people, even to those who aren’t necessarily nice to you. I believe everyone should believe that your own mind is incredibly powerful. Sure, it might take a village, but a change needs to start in people’s minds. If you start thinking nice thoughts, you’ll start doing nice things, and things will start to change for the better. I am saying this as much to myself as to anyone else, and I hope we all can do what we say, and not what we do.